Voided the Warranty..

Ok, I've woken up with a headache or maybe a leg cramp. This guy, Fateh Mohammad, woke up with a lightbulb up his ass. The doctor treating Mr. Mohammad said he doubted the story that someone had drugged him and inserted the bulb while he was comatose. Mohammad, who is serving a four-year sentence for "making liquor"(!), prohibited for Muslims, said he was shocked when he was first told the cause of his discomfort. He swears he didn't know the bulb was there..ok

The production of liquor is prohibited in this Muslim lands, but 'bulb surfing' is a time honored tradition that may actually reduce Mr. Mohammad's sentence, due to his popularity with the guards and fellow inmates.
For the obvious reasons, General Electric has "passed" on any potential marketing campaigns addressing this virtually unknown market.

Again with the Hippies...

LOS ANGELES - Workers began bulldozing a 14-acre urban garden Wednesday, and 10 protesters were arrested as they tried to stop the 'demolition'. Eight protesters broke into the site shortly afternoon and rushed the bulldozer. Some of the demonstrators climbed on but were forced down by security guards and arrested by police. For years, neighborhood residents grew vegetables and flowers on the site rent free. But they were evicted three weeks ago after the property's owner Ralph Horowitz told them he planned to build a warehouse on the land. And of course the hippies fuckin' freaked out. Even Daryl Hannah joined the hippie's cause. Hippies don't need warehouses...they need flowers and rent free living!

God, I hate hippies.

Well, Hey I'm here to help. It seems that the owner, Mr. Horowitz offered to sell most of this lot to the hippies for $16million. But, you know what? The hippies couldn't come up with the cash. yea, a real shocker. How many fucking dumb trinkets do these people have to sell to raise $16million? But hey! They don't have to! Here's an idea...

Pimp Daryl Hannah out! Figure about five 'dates' a day, six days a week and one day for rest and healing. I would bet that Ms. Hannah could command about $2000/date, including greek. And If she really turns the freak on, she'd get some good tips too! So, add that to the pile. that's about $240,000 a month. I'm sure Wells Fargo Bank would arrange some type of financing for this property. Not to mention the 'good-will' points Wells Fargo would earn with the community and the hippies. (Everybody loves happy hippies)

Then again...If Ms. Hannah's heart wasn't really behind the effort in 'saving' this garden, I'm sure the hippies would understand.
And then...if Ms. Hannah was really smart she would have paid a vist to Mr. Horowitz's home and made some type of 'non-conventional' arrangement.

"yea, I know she's a shiksa but that mouth is like silk!"

Did ya ever lose your keys?

This guy lost the top of his skull. Yea, It 'died' and just fell off.

So the next time your bitchin' about your tired feet, your sore peepee or something really dumb, just think about this fuckin' freak.

the story...

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/20060705/od_nm/india_skull1_dc;_ylt=Au5MOjbf2.bNhMRAJoVHncus0NUE;_ylu=X3oDMTA3ODdxdHBhBHNlYwM5NjQ-

Somebody say Replacements??

Ok, So there is no saving Star Jones at The View. Who could replace such a talent? Somebody get Danny Rose on the phone! With every TV job opening the usual names and usual rejects get tossed about. And some of those rejects are dwarfs, like "Larry the party Dwarf from Middle Earth". When the ale starts flowing, even the Orcs can't keep up! no good?! We'll he'll work for beer and a few Hustler magizines.

Stimpy is too far out of the Price range. William Hung is too fucking wierd. Brak? Whats that?

No, for real star power they need to pull out the big guns..... Donald Trump's wig.

The Donald won't go anywhere without his wig, but the wig can do a two hour taping monday through thursdays, for a modest sum. It only asks for abosolute control, respect, a limo full of wet horny naked girls and a few merkins...oh and keep it away from any open flames.

The View is good..

New York-- As if we New Yorkers didn't need to be reminded that , well yes, the center of the fucking universe is New York, the recent developments at "The View" should be a kind reminder. Star Jones, a founding member of the show was asked, 'not to return', for the future seasons. In other words she was fired. I've only watched about ten minutes of "The View", and my first impression was, "what's fucking wrong with Star?!". She acted as if the whole world was mocking her. All the women on the panel were laughing and talking and Star had a really pissed look on her face...Like some one surfaced with pictures of her husband with an assortment of nude sweaty boys.
As a casual observer I wasn't too far off the mark. Audiences and the network describe Star as "passive-aggressive" and well, really boring to watch.

Star needs to get credit for losing all of that fucking fat. I mean, come on she looked like a fucking clown..a fat clown. And I don't care how many times Al Reynolds (the Mr. Star) says he's staright, too many people in New York say he's gay. Drivers, handlers, doormen, servicemen...you get the idea.. This guy loves the cock...

Yea, so Star is so full of herself..like Kathy Lee Gifford, another morning TV reject. Its pure TV Guide Schadenfreude, but I'll bet Star lands on her feet somewhere. The smart money says it won't be anywhere near FOX...maybe the WB..or radio..