Secrets of Happiness

Tokyo--A japanese guy, old, bald and with the customary gut claims to have "magic words" that make women think he's handsome. It might be working because, Hirohito Shibuya, 57, was living with a dozen young japanese girls. He would chant the 'spell' and the girls would swoon. He said, "When you say it, even unattractive men become attractive. But I won't say it because if I do, I'll die." He also had a stun gun and some tear gas. These were young girls, so yea..a Taser is a really good idea. This 'spell' may be easier to figure out than people think. Tried but true include...
**Why yes, my last name is Prada
**How did you get soo smart?
**Your so much hotter than your friends..but you knew that
**My Gulfstream is cool
you should get the idea..now the Taser thing..we should look into that.

It wasn't in the bones...

New York-- Bear Stearns has chosen not to renew its employment contract with Ikemi Batoombi, famed witch doctor and securities/ fixed income analyst. Through a series of poorly judged reports and opinions, some Bear Sterns clients have voiced concern. "He came walking in here, stinking up the place-a sweaty ball sack smell and loaded up one of the offices with headless chickens..We were like who fuckin' hired this guy?!" Said a Bear analyst that wished to remain anonymous. It seems that Mr. Batoombi was a son of a tribal leader in Ziaire, controling hundreds of miles of jungle and desert..and it would seem billions of BTUs of natural gas. The elder Batoombi wanted his son to have a 'more rounded education' so he was sent to America to study at Stern (NYU) and gain employement, with the help of 'the exxon guy'.

A representative of Bear Stearns has stated that "Mr. Batoombi was a very valuable addition to the Bear Stearns team. However the direction which Bear Stearns wished to persue would make many positions unnecessary, including Mr. Batoombi's. We wish him all the best.." Another analyst has stated via phone that " after he (batoombi) issued a short-report on Google at $135, which fucking ruined careers, and filled his office with bloody chicken feathers..and that fucking smell..holy fucking shit!! This little creepy spook had to go!"

Sigmond sez..

I would never do an 'unrated' feature. It would compromise my craft. I of course haven't had a job since my show was cancelled in 1974.... except for a cameo on Miami Vice in 1988.

Hardcore Penguin Action !

OK, so your studio has a mediocre film on its hands and needs some wind in the sail to move it off the shelves. How to put lipstick on the pig? Unrated sex- ofcourse! To get the 18-25 year old segment, its effective to have some extra sex or nudity. Do you want to see Sponge Bob and Patrick make out? Do you wan't to see penguins getting it on against an ice flow? It may be a while before studios stop with this nonsense and concentrate on a good product.

More proof

Hero or agent of doom?

This guy fell out of his wheelchair and his cat called 911. Yea, his cat. Before everyone gets all loveyduby about this event, consider this. If a cat can dial 911, he can likely access the internet. Cats running wild on the information superhighway is a recipie for destruction. Like the machines in "The Terminator", once cats figure out that they don't need us anymore, it will mean war. Cats and war have gone together since time began. Ever since Knock-Kknuk got smashed over the head with a stone by Grock "the hairy", a cat a stood by.

Cat story in Ohio paper..

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20060102/ap_on_re_us/911_cat_call;_ylt=Avkkj9CNn5LIlN9.mB6F6Uas0NUE;_ylu=X3oDMTA3ODdxdHBhBHNlYwM5NjQ-

Christmas is Topeka..!!

Yes, thats right! The sunny midwest destination that everyone is talking about(*). Between the Wal-Marts and the cattle feed stores is a small city that's dying. Many of the larger chain stores take a chance..and fail. Best Buy, Kohls and Barnes and Noble seem to be making a 'go of it'. Topeka is a town that has just gotten its first Starbucks (Wanamaker Rd). Oddly enough the only businesses that seem to be growing are mexican restaurants. Some are very good, small family owned/operated type. The best thing to say about the place is that its cheap. Central America cheap. Three bedroom, fireplace, balcony, carport for $500 a month cheap.

(*) Part of the new Topeka visitors bureau slogan.