New York-- Bear Stearns has chosen not to renew its employment contract with Ikemi Batoombi, famed witch doctor and securities/ fixed income analyst. Through a series of poorly judged reports and opinions, some Bear Sterns clients have voiced concern. "He came walking in here, stinking up the place-a sweaty ball sack smell and loaded up one of the offices with headless chickens..We were like who fuckin' hired this guy?!" Said a Bear analyst that wished to remain anonymous. It seems that Mr. Batoombi was a son of a tribal leader in Ziaire, controling hundreds of miles of jungle and desert..and it would seem billions of BTUs of natural gas. The elder Batoombi wanted his son to have a 'more rounded education' so he was sent to America to study at Stern (NYU) and gain employement, with the help of 'the exxon guy'.
A representative of Bear Stearns has stated that "Mr. Batoombi was a very valuable addition to the Bear Stearns team. However the direction which Bear Stearns wished to persue would make many positions unnecessary, including Mr. Batoombi's. We wish him all the best.." Another analyst has stated via phone that " after he (batoombi) issued a short-report on Google at $135, which fucking ruined careers, and filled his office with bloody chicken feathers..and that fucking smell..holy fucking shit!! This little creepy spook had to go!"
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