Cinco de Mayo...

An imported holiday that is wraped around the consumption of alcohol and cheesey, spicy, crunchy fare. And don't forget the guacamole. What this has to do with taking up arms against the French is any one's guess. Frenchmen? We don't need any stinking Frenchmen!

...And 8 ball was his name-o...

WASHINGTON - Rep. Patrick Kennedy had another car crash yesterday, in the long proud Kennedy tradition. The accident however, didn't involve the death of a passenger, so he still has some progress to make "full Kennedy status".

His Physican Dr. Sanjur Rabb said that the amounts of cocaine perscribed to Mr. Kennedy were within the legal limits. After a series of gastro-infections, he was ordered to consume over 5 grams a day. The discomfort of the illness required a slightly higher dosage and the consumption of beer with a small marijuana 'support', to stimulate hunger.

Let that be a lesson...

After the Twizzlers and all of the chocolate cake, this kid just didn't see it coming.

A New Addition..

We won this great artwork, Urine Clown by Iji Kimmio. It took three days of furious offering on Ebay and $14,500, but hey, we had a bare wall by the PinBot machine... It just adds so much to the room.

$145,000 for a roll of toilet paper?

Yea, if you are lucky enough to live in Zimbabwe, a real first class shithole. Although it seems like alot of money for a paper roll its only about $0.69 in US Dollars. The country is suffering from hyperinflation, about 1000% per year. The smallest bill is the $500 note, the $20 (pictured) isn't made any more.If it was, you would need 7250 bills to purchase this paper roll...whats the point?! The maestro of this grand symphony of chaos is Robert Mugabe, Zimbabwe's 'president'.
The capital city, Harare, doesn't have clean water, because the water treatment plant is broken down, in need of parts and new equipment. They pull their water from the same lake that the sewers empty into, so cholera and dysentery has broken out all over the city. So, what happened?
Well, if we remember, Mugabe wanted the "white farmers" to give their land to the "Zimbabwe people". It was a big scam. The choice lands went to the political class. These 'white farmers' had been farming the land for generations, building up vast knowledge in farming and food production. Zimbabwe used to actually export food to other areas of Africa. Well...the white farmers left, moving to neighboring countries, taking their families, knowlege and money with them.
And in February the govt. said that they had paid back the International Monetary Fund's $221,000,000 USD debt, that was in arrears. If they didn't, Zimbabwe's membership would be threatened. Mugabe did this by printing over $21 trillion Zimbabwe dollars, to purchase the US currency, to cover the debt.
Who in their fucking mind would want to loan this moron money?

yea..

I knew someone out there would come around.

A Shmoo

A shmoo (noun:SH- MOO) is a fictional cartoon creature that is shaped like a plump bowling pin with legs, but no arms. They reproduce asexually, and are very prolific. They like to be eaten.
Shmoos are tasty, and are so eager to be eaten that if they are looked at by someone who is hungry they will gladly jump into a frying pan. Naturally gentle and docile, they require minimal care, and are ideal playmates for young children and retarded people.

$100 Oil?... Who cares?

Midland, Texas--At the American Petrolieum Institute, a off campus petro-chemistry department of the University of Texas, is preparing a symposium on using america's waste as a source of energy. Animal waste and household waste isn't being discussed but instead the waste of the American social landscape-Hipsters, Hippies, Emos and other social blights.

Professor Jerry Nutt from the API said, "The use of these freaks won't solve our oil dependency problems, but may serve as a stopgap or pressure valve to let some some air out of these high oil prices". To further explain the program, Dr. Nutt said, "The target person(s) would be teased with free black lipsticks, black fingernail polish and eyeliner, Von Dutch caps, Louis Vuitton bags (fake-of course), free Grateful Dead t-shirts, gourmet bong water and etc., knocked on the head and tossed into the 'rendering vats', where under extreme heat and pressure are 'cracked' into various oils and light fuels.

The 'emos' seem to release the most SOEU, Social Outcast Energy Units, and hence more valuable. Nobody know why, but it may have something to do with their Shmoo-like nature. Since all future rendering facilities will be paying a premium for all 'emo deliveries' their apprehension would become a top priorty. The emo kid now has reason to cry.