Midland, Texas--At the American Petrolieum Institute, a off campus petro-chemistry department of the University of Texas, is preparing a symposium on using america's waste as a source of energy. Animal waste and household waste isn't being discussed but instead the waste of the American social landscape-Hipsters, Hippies, Emos and other social blights.
Professor Jerry Nutt from the API said, "The use of these freaks won't solve our oil dependency problems, but may serve as a stopgap or pressure valve to let some some air out of these high oil prices". To further explain the program, Dr. Nutt said, "The target person(s) would be teased with free black lipsticks, black fingernail polish and eyeliner, Von Dutch caps, Louis Vuitton bags (fake-of course), free Grateful Dead t-shirts, gourmet bong water and etc., knocked on the head and tossed into the 'rendering vats', where under extreme heat and pressure are 'cracked' into various oils and light fuels.
The 'emos' seem to release the most SOEU, Social Outcast Energy Units, and hence more valuable. Nobody know why, but it may have something to do with their Shmoo-like nature. Since all future rendering facilities will be paying a premium for all 'emo deliveries' their apprehension would become a top priorty. The emo kid now has reason to cry.
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