Farmingdale,NY--For the second time in one week, a person has died from injuries suffered at the Adventureland amusement park. This latest accident involved a 45-year-old woman that was thrown from a ride into a nearby parking lot! "Of course she had the asphalt to soften her landing" said Alex Anders, Adventureland General Mgr. "We in the Adventureland Family wish to offer our heartfelt condolences. We will provide the deceased's family a full refund of the parking fee and also a '90 day funpass' that can be used at any Adventureland Fun Parks across the USA."
This accident follows a death of a park employee, Stephen Gary, an 18-year-old from North Babylon, two days ago. He suffered massive internal injuries after being struck by the Lady Bug Roller Coaster, a ride designed for children. New Yorker's may remember that Mr. Anders offered 'heartfelt condolences' and an explaination that it was an instance of 'natural selection'. Adventureland officals argued that Mr. Gary was an 'D-' student, not bound for any accredited four year university and was perhaps still a virgin. "Thining the herd is an act of god." said Mr. Anders. "Adventureland, Adventureland Properties, Adventureland Industries and its parent company Gulf + Western Oil, inc, have no responsibility for the action, actions or inaction of god or any of his assigned agents."
When confronted with the facts that Adventureland's latest victim was a mother and a university graduate, hence a valuable member of society, Mr. Anders offered no response. But offered that lawyers for Adventureland would craft a document to respond to its latest death.
So, next time you are in the NYC area, you might wan't to stay the fuk away from...
http://www.adventureland.us/
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