Washington, DC-- In response to the news that terrorists may attempt surveillance disguised as the homeless, shoeshiners, street vendors or street sweepers, the FBI has sprung to action. An elite core of FBI recruits has been cherry picked for this latest and most important of assignments. "We'll beat them at their own game." said an anonymous agent. "The terrorists are acting like homeless people. The FBI went the extra mile and actually hired these new agents off the street. And I do mean off the street."
We at the WSPO were confused (more than usual) about the FBI's latest hiring drive. Living in NYC, one quickly learns that many of the homeless are drug addicts and severe paranoid schizophrenics. The recipe for a useless, worthless and dangerous agent. "Useless? We don't think so. And they work really cheap too." said Anonymous. "One of our new guys, his name is Oat Willie, everybody around the neighborhood knows him. So, they would never suspect him. He slogs around, draging bags of trash and stinks of severe diarrhea. And he works for doughnuts, coffee and bags of circus peanuts, really cheap."
After a few more questions, our anonymous source said that the only data collected from agents such as Mr. Willie, so far, has consisted of pidgeons, dog poop, smelly dog butts and other assorted pidgeon facts and figures.
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