Vampire ire...

New York, NY-- This old world vampire has many complaints about the modern age. "I had to move around a few times just to get away from the goth freaks", says Gaspar de Guz'man, a real vampire. He was born in Mainz, a small town off the Rhine river, sometime around 1570 AD, considered himself an old man when Mainz was almost ruined by War due to the Reformation, in 1631 AD. "I moved around europe until about 1800, when I decided to move to Boston, in America. About a decade later I settled in Manhattan Island. It wasn't even a state, that's really recent history. In many ways it was eaiser in the earlier days. Everyone was affraid of me or the thought of my kind. Now after that Anne Rice bitch, every idiot, want's to be sucked dry. They were spilling out of the woodwork, like Catholics! Where is the sport in that? I am the owner of a few medical supply companies, so I get fresh clean blood sent via FedEx, a wonder of the modern age. If I am bored, really bored, I'll take a neck, but it has been years. I don't miss it. What I do miss is my privacy!" Gaspar doesn't like the 'goth' or the 'vampire' subcultures that have emerged over the last twenty years. "They are like clowns! Carnival folk! And where did the black lipstick and fingernail polish evolve from? The Elector of Saxony, a smelly pig who died in 1655, had black painted lips and nails. He also had an voracious appetite for prepubescent boys!" Gaspar likes cable television and the internet. A 'Nature' magazine article in 1998 brought a lot of attention to his existence, something he wishes he could undo. "The idea sounded harmless, but it expanded into this big story. I was recieving letters, packages, pictures, marriage proposals-from both men and women-what nerve! Also solicitations to share my curse." He's hoping that the goth/vampire lifestyle is a fad that will pass, as all fads do. "I expect this to pass like 'bell bottoms' and they were a fad too, thank god"