Washington, DC--The Automobile Association of America has named Newark, NJ the "Worst God Awful Inflamed Shithole" place in america to visit, replacing Detroit, MI. "One of our mandates is to warn our members of dangerous and visually disturbing destinations", says Robert Gaines, manager at the AAA-DC office, "I had to get some cigarettes in Newark a few years ago, on my way to the airport, jesus! It was like 'night of the living dead' but with crackheads and hoodies, a real bonafide dump". The mayor of Newark, Sharpe James, begs to differ, "We are a large city, New Jersey's largest. And as a large city we have some large problems, but we deal with them. I am confident that Newark will become one of america's renaissance cities, a real success story in the years to come. Why- we haven't had a single gang shootout or stabbing in front of city hall for almost five months!" Despite the poor reviews, the Grey family, from Des Moines, IA, is still planning to visit Newark. "We usually go to Hawaii, but we wanted to try something different, something educational. My son is working on a school report about "Radical Militant Black Power" oraganizations in america. And Mrs. Grey and I both like "The Corner" and "The Wire" on HBO. We thought we could capture some of that flavor from Newark. And our daughter want's to feed and pet some crackheads. Newark was the obvious answer for our vacation destination!"
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