Long Beach, NY-- Lindsy Lohan's media empire is expanding like the Borg. Stupid kids all accross America are buying her 'music' and DVDs. Many critics have given positive reviews of Ms. Lohan's films, such as The Parent Trap, Freaky Friday and Mean Girls, earning her millions of dollars. One of these 'American kids' that enjoy Ms. Lohan's offerings, we at the WSPO can't call her stupid because she is in fact retarded, and calling her stupid too would be, well....mean, is Ashley Parker, president of the Lohan Fan Club in Long Beach. Ms. Parker does know quite a lot of information about Lindsy Lohan, a surprising amount considering she is well, you know, a short bus kid. "Ask me another!" yells Ms. Parker, and yes again she knew the answer, Ms. Lohan wears a 9.5 shoe. "That was easy! Try me again!" she yelled and let out a giggle. What Ms. Parker didn't know was that Jgonzz is friends with a guy named "Rick", he is a broker at a major Bank, 33 years of age and fucks out young stupid girls for fun and laughs. And about six months ago at the The St. Regis Hotel, 55th and 5th ave, Ms. Lohan , after a day of shopping in SOHO, was a guest with her new friend 'Rick'.
When asked if Ms. Lohan 'swallowed', Ashley didn't know or understand what I was talking about. "Yea, his load" I said. "Load? Load of what?" she said. Ok..next question. "When her asshole is getting streched out, what is Ms. Lohan's usual comment other than the occasional 'yelp'? With a confused and stunned look Ashley said,"You said a dirty word!..dirty word!" At about this moment Ashley began to cry and her 9 volt brain began to malfunction. The president of the Lindsy Lohan fan club- Long Beach, does know some of the more basic stuff about Ms. Lohan, but for the really tough questions, I would have to ask Rick.
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