New York,NY-- As hurricane Katrina was over New Orleans, tragedy struck the upper east side today, as hurricane Spalding formed and proceeded to destroy property and injure no less than 300 people. It began when Star Jones and Rosie O' Donnell both demanded the last remaining Strawberry Tart, from world famous restaurant and purveyor of desserts-Payard.
Payard Patisserie, located at 74th and Lexington Ave., has a wide variaty of assorted cakes, tarts and desserts.(Many of the WSPO staff have been banned from Payard, since the 'June 17th incident'. This concerned a seires of misunderstandings and bizarre events involving chocolate, carrot cakes and a sugar induced rage, followed by brief periods of 'after meal napping'.) Their Strawberry Tart is a signature item, and often sold out. "It was crazy, loco" says Louis, an employee at Payard. "They were yelling and knocking things over, I had to cover my ears. We were all scared. After a few moments of pushing, shoving and pulling of hair, Mrs. Jones exhaled a massive belch of hot air or gas, throwing Ms. O'Donnell out the door and across the street, busting out all of our windows, flipping over a few parked cars and damaging three taxis. I thought 'oh, that killed that irish lady', but she came right back! It was like lightning and thunder in here, so I ran a jumped behind the Hobart!"
Lexington Ave. was littered with debris, broken glass, damaged cars, even a few missing or bent manhole covers and the injured. "It was like a freakin' bomb went off!" says Scott Bishop, of the NYPD. "We had alot of injuries. We had injuries all the way near First Ave! All because these two bitches couldn't work out an agreement over a cupcake!?"
Well, actually it was a tart. And obviously they couldn't work things out. So, some innocents got injured. These are two big Hollywood stars. They can't be bothered to care, they have staffers or interns to do that sort of thing.
The Red Cross and various state emergency agencies were on the scene within a few hours to help with the injured, dazed and newly homeless. Mayor Bloomberg says it may take the city at least two years to rebuild.
Represenatives for Mrs. Jones and Ms. O'Donnell didn't return our calls for this story.
If you are in the NY area sometime next year, they should be reopened...
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