New York, NY-- Male patrons were in shock lastnight, at The Cellar, a SOHO nightclub, as a drunken and vocal, Hailey Simms, admitted that "Size does matter!". Ms. Simms said that "She only wanted a guy that could 'bust her out' and that 'sissy faggots' need not apply." She then fell down in drunken stupor, hitting her head on a pool table. The American Society of Men, ASM, sprang to action offering support, a 24-hr hotline number and advice to those who were witness to Ms. Simms' rant. "What does this mean..I mean..what the fuck?!" screamed George Wilson, an obviously offended guest. Many of the club's patrons were in a state of obvious shock, and demanded refunds. "I didn't come here to hear his shit!", said a male guest. The DJ, "DJ Scribble", continued to spin his tables but the vibe of the club was in ruins.
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